Burn, Cho Burn
by threesadlostogslightlymadsouls
Summary: Sob LAST CHAPPIE OF BURN CHO BURN! REVIEW! AND WE MIGHT BRING IT BACK TO LIFE! Poems derived from the emotions felt at Cho's painfully painful pain during her burning. (it's called a parody for a reason) Burn, Cho. Burn.
1. The Burning Light Between Us

See, if we owned Harry Potter, we'd be out there making millions and signing autographs, not sitting our sorry butts on uncomfortable computer chairs and eating donuts while writing fanfictions.

The Burning Light Between Us

Once there was a boy named Harry.

Or was he a man?

Was he very hairy?

If he was, that would've been scary.

Harry was depressed.

But he was always the best dressed!

His hair was black and crazy

But he was going to kill Voldemort so he was not lazy!

Harry had a wand

But he did not find it in a pond

But was it a wand?

Or was it a stick?

Hermione called Harry "thick"

Ron was Harry's best friend

They'd be together 'till the end

Cho was ugly and I hate her

So let's all have some fun and flame her!  
Burn, Cho, Burn!  
(The bongos stop, Emmy hangs her head, the beret falls off, and the lights go out. This is greeted by the snapping of multiple fingers)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, this is our first fic, so be nice. We know its short, but well be adding another poem-thingy every day. So don't hesitate to R&R!

TheThreeSadLostOgSlightlyMadSouls,

Charletto, Emmy, and Cocabella

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (and a side of spam)


	2. A Day in the Life of a Nocturnal Being

Okay....to put our ownership rights to Harry Potter simply....**WE OWN NOTHING.** Damn it. So please R&R.

A Day in the Life of a Nocturnal Being

Hedwig was an owl.

She ate things that were foul.

Yes, Hedwig was an owl.

Harry Potter's owl to be exact.

But no, she was not a cat.

Hedwig was a white bird

Now isn't that absurd?

Hedwig loved Harry very much

All she wanted to do was touch.

She lived in the owlery, and felt ignored

It was horrible to be bored.

Why did Crookshanks and Scabbers get all the glory?

Why were they the main pets of the story?

Crookshanks was ugly and Scabbers was evil.

Scabbers was a little weevil.

Hedwig liked to eat Harry's ear.

She had a tingly feeling whenever he was near.

Until the one day when she got shot and stuffed

And her life as Harry's pet was snuffed.

Burn, Cho, Burn.

(5 years later, upon accepting the noble peace prize, Coca cried tears of joy and waved to the stuffed Hedwigs in the audience. However, the trueHedwig was part of her ever-so-fashionable hat.)

**QUICK! REVIEW BEFORE THE SPACESHIP SELF-DESCRUCTS in ten. nine. eight.AAAAHHHHHURRY!!!!!!!!!**

**(oh, and a big thank you to our first reviewer, bigsmileygirl-3!)**


	3. I Was Called: the twig teardrop

**Disclaimer: If we owned Harry Potter-well….honesty, we'd be swimming in our beautiful pool of wealth-instead we swim in a crappy pool of crappy water. Wouldn't mind if we owned Pepsi either. Oh well…**

I was called: _the twig_ teardrop

It sucks to be a stick

I am never appreciated, not one bit

That rhymes, doesn't it!?

Swirly stuff comes out of me, lots of green light

It makes me nauseous, don't you see

Killing people is quite a fright

Especially when you're being twirled around and spinning upside down

With all your bearer's might

I choose the wizard

He chooses me not

But for me, he gives no second thought

His oily, hormonal hand

Makes me want to leave his hand

We just rhymed hand with hand

We are the best rhymers in the land

I loved Ollivander

And he loved me

We would've lived so happily

Burn, Cho, Burn.

(Years after writing Burn, Cho, Burn, Emmy organized a ceremonial burning of the torn pages of Harry's and Cho's first kiss. Over 2 million flocked to the scene and gladly tore and threw their pages into the glorious fire. The smoke that emitted from the fire was dedicated to the wand for which this poem is dedicated. Wands were not harmed in the making of the fire.)

**That's about it! Read and review! Write poems to demonstrate your burning hate for Cho! Verb! It's what you do! Stop reading this end note! Really, I mean it! Now! Never mind then, keep on reading-total waste of time! Your loss! (Doesn't everything sound better when it ends in an exclamation point!)!!!..........!!!!!**


	4. Jewish Child at Hogwarts

I hate this....I hate this....I hate this....I absolutely HATE admitting that we don't own Harry Potter! WHYYYYY!!!!!

**Please note: If anyone is offended in any way by this poem, please do not hesitate to submit a review, telling us so. We will be glad to remove this chapter/poem for you. We (the authors) are not Jewish, and although we do not think anyone should feel offended by this, I urge you again to please notify us and we will remove it.**

Jewish child at Hogwarts

I am Jewish and unloved

For nodreidel is to be seen

At this castle

Which is so mean

Christmas trees flock about

Heck, some even walk about

While I sing and prance about

"Put on your yamulkah!

It's time for Hannukah!"

I shout

My friends are getting sweaters, ugly ones, true

While I am in the corner saying, "Boo Hoo"

For Hanukkah has come and gone

No one has sung the Hannukkah Song

Instead they mention chestnuts roasting over an open fire

I like chestnuts too

So why not just invite me in and let me have a few?

Burn, Cho, Burn.

(We are sad to say that we are not the authors of this poem. We happened upon it while prancing around Hogwarts, singing a really funny guy's songs. On the Opal Wilfred show, and in her old age, Hermione claimed the poem to be hers. After having her people sue our people repeatedly, she gained back the rights to the poem. She gave it back to us as a Hanukkah gift with a note that said she forgives us for using her trademarked line: "Burn, Cho. Burn." )

**we want to thak bigsmileygirl-3 so much for her review! It made our day! But we've had no other reviews and it's been several days since then.... so make our day.................please? pretty pretty please with asideof spam?**


	5. Now You're Really Cooking with Easy Bake

**Cocabella: Are you guys sure we don't own Harry Potter? I mean, with our brilliance, we might as well have written it ourselves...**

**Charletto: YES, Cocabella, we are POSITIVE that we don't own Harry Potter!**

**Emmy: Well, Charletto, I dunno...**

**Charletto: We. Do. Not. Own. Harry. Potter. FACE THE FACTS AND DEAL WITH IT!**

**Emmy and Cocabella: (burst out sobbing)**

Now You're Really Cooking With Easy Bake

My name is Dudley

But I am no dud.

I am not fat anymore.

My mommy says I'm a stud

Was it Atkins or Southbeach that did this to me?

The girls have yet to flock to me

There was a girl called Edna Mary Sue

Her hair is far from the color of poo

Will she ever know how I feel?

Will my wistful dreams of her ever be real?

She is second only to my love of cake

How can I love anyone more than my Easy Bake?

I have a gang

We're pimp

Bang

Bang. Bang. Bang.

I have a pimped-out cane

It's one pimp stick

With my rapper suit on, dude,

I look insane

I can rap, but I won't swear

Because I'm the kind of boy who writes his name in his underwear

I used to have a piggy tail

But that was not cool

You know what's cool? Sitting in a pool.

Dawg, that is so fly

It makes me want to cry

And it makes me want Cho to die

(whoever the hell Cho is)

In any case,

Burn, Cho, Burn.

(After countless lypos and the tragic disappearance of his Easy Bake, Dudley turned to his only love besides Edna Mary Sue: Male modeling. He was at one time the poster boy for Abercrombie and Fitch, and marriedeight times. Only once to a piece of food. His mummy died and his daddy and his psychiatrist think this is an improvement. He had three of his8 wives beheaded, and before joining them again in the underworld with Hitler, he turned his back on modeling and joined the Italian mafia. He never learned to speak Italian, but the food he married was a really long strand of spaghetti. Scientists and studiers of human psychology believe that this reminded him of his deceased mother. He currently resides in hell with Hitler and 5 of his8 wives (the spaghetti strand included).

**We like reviews. Reviews are good. Please review. **


	6. Through the Froggy Fog, A New Day has Co...

**Disclaimer: "Guess who?" say the authors over-enthusiastically, sneaking up behind the unsuspecting reader. "Who?" replies the reader, just as sweetly. "Not J.K. Rowling!" moan the 3sadlostogslightlymadsouls in anguish.**

Through the Froggy Fog, A New Day Has Come

Little Mister Ronnie

Sat on a lawn-y

Eating his porridge and butterbeer

When along came Aragog

Through the froggy fog

And he said,

"May I share your curd and wye?"

Little Mr. Ronnie

Said, "No, I don't have any"

And Aragog said, "Then you must die!"

"Harry!" shouted Ronnie. "Come quick! Save my life!"

"Sorry, Hermione and I are…busy?"

"Oh no!" said Ron. "Now I'll doubly die!"

On the inside and outside, I have been brought to tears.

"Kill me Aragog! I must die!"  
So he did.

Burn, Cho. Burn.

(At the first reading of this poem in the Café Homerhundrunnerschnitzel, there was a complete minute of confused and awkward silence (during which Charletto stood up and clapped while everyone else stared) as the occupants of the tiny restaurant attempted laboriously to figure out just what the hell they had just been read. Cocabella repeatedly bowed throughtout this whole time. Then, out of nowhere, Ron popped in and shouted, "Erm, I'm all right!", and Hermione shouted back, "Oh, Ronniekins, I love you!" and Ron shouted again "And I got the girl!" and then everyone clapped and it was a beautiful day and then I found seven knuts!)

**End Note: Thanks for reading, now please review! Men/women cannot live on bread alone. They need reviews too.**


	7. Alfonzo the Angora Sveater

**Disclaimer: You know, I was really surprised this morning when I woke up and realized I wasn't J.K. Rowling.**

Alfonzo the Angora Sveater 

Ronnzie Boy wore me even better vetter.

Than Fred.

Or Georgeevon.

I am marvoon

I have vun very strarange accionté.

I have ze yellow "Rrrrrr" (makes a cat sound)

But now I am Dobby's.

I am not sloppy.

But I am Dobby's.

Dobby is veird.

Dobby is strarange.

Dobby has hair problems.

He might havé mange.

I am a vizdomful sveater.

Why does Dumbly-Doorr not like me?

Iz it because I am not a magic hat?

Iz it that I am not a cat?

Would he prefer sockiez?

Me very like vubber duckiez.

To be a hat

That iz my dream

But it would be very much

Like cross-dressing.

So I am a sveater.

Forevermore…

I am unisex.

Of this I am sure.

Burn, Chozivon, Burn.

(Dobby finally tired of the sweater and threw it out. It is currently residing in the newly established International Museum of Natural history, next to Abraham Lincoln's hat and the recently deceased Mrs. Norris. He enjoys writing poems and taking long walks on the beach. He is currently looking for a woman to spend his life with. He prefers red wigs over brown or black ones, or even blonde ones for that matter. Hair plugs are not acceptable. Contact him online at under the username, "IamTooSexy4ThisSveater")

**End Note:**

**Please don't try to contact Alfonzo- unless you're a wig, which I'm sure you're not (though you may want to be). It's Cocabella's birthday, and her biggest wish is for reviews,so please review! And it really is her birthday. I swear to God, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye. So for Alfonzo, and for cocabella, please review! We'd be grateful.**


	8. The Tom Riddle We Don't Know

Cocabella and Michelle: (glassy-eyed looks) We don't own Harry Potter. We don't own Harry Potter. We don't own Harry Potter.

Charletto: Aww, good, the hypnosis is working!

The Tom Riddle We Don't Know

Garfield, my honie-woney poo,

Oh, how I DESPISE you!

Yet I love you…

Um, or do I not?

Do I don't not not?

Or Do I not don't?

I don't know.

Grammar is not my expertise.

They don't teach it at Hogwarts

That's mudblood stuff if you done gone and asked me.

Eye know no math

I do not lye

I let everie muggle thing pass me bie

I deny my antscesters

No matter who they ain't and can kindof be

I swear, they ain't not my family

Garfield, my honey-woney poo,

That brings me back to you.

X Cuze me while I go to the loo.

I am bak

My arse is clean

And there you are,

Garfield, my honey-woney poo

You are my queen

And though my grammar fails me a lot,

I know that you will fail me not.

I hate everyone.

Except Garfield, my honey-woney poo.

So……….

Avananda Kedoverishiekaplewie!

Oh, yeah, and…

Burn, Cho. Burn.

(Upon investigating the poem and background thoroughly, we investigated the area. And yet we found to our surprise and disgust, several spelling bee medals from Moldy Voldy's school days. After all, De Nile is not only a river in Egypt! We figure that he won them, and upon entering Hogwarts, rejected his bootyful spelling abilities because they were too muggleistical.)

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We feel bad for not updating, but we feel even worse because we only have 4 reviews!! please, please review!! All reviewers get.............well, you get named on our thank-you list!! PLEASE R&R!! 


	9. Tribulations of an Anonymous Sock

**possibly our weirdest chapter yet. Don't forget to R&R!**

JK Rowling: (on the streets, holding up a sheet of paper) RIGHTS TO HARRY POTTER! COME BUY THE RIGHTS TO HARRY POTTER!

Emmy and Cocabella: OOH! OOH! We'll buy them! How much?

JK Rowling: $20. (takes money) SOLD! to the crazy fanfiction writers!

Charletto: Cocabella....Emmy...wake up...

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Tribulations of an Anonymous Sock

**this is to be sung, not chanted or recited dramaticallyto the beatof a bongo, but sung sweetly to the tune of the harp.**

I am a sock.

_And Dumbledore loves me._

I smell and am sweated on.

_But Dumbledore loves me._

There is a hole near my big toe!

If I had a nose that's where it would go

_But Dumbledore loves me._

Sometimes I wonder

If this was how life was meant to be-practically a piece of poverty

But then I remember…..

_Dumbledore loves me._

He sweats an extraordinary amount for a man of his age.

In shoes, it feels like you are trapped in a cage.

_But Dumbledore loves me._

He hangs me by the fire so I can be warm.

And then the next day on Christmas morn,

I am full to the brim with my dear sisters and brothers

We don't have a mother

_But Dumbledore loves me._

Though my life is one giant odor

To see his love, you don't need a decoder.

_Because Dumbledore loves me_

I found one in a Cracker-Jack box one day

But Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore picked it up and threw it away

_Because he loves me._

In conclusion I must just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

_Dumbledore loves me._

Burn, Cho. Burn.

(In the secret diaries of the anonymous sock above, he once commented, "If only Albus didn't love ALL of his students so much…then maybe I would've been able to travel to the Cho burning trial, when in fact I was on his left foot making conversation with the sweat particles that glistened so beautifully. I picked up a hot one; her name was Georgia. She died when he showered, but Dumbledore loves me.")

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Okay, we've developed a theory that we're either unloved and our fanfics are unread, or that no one wants to take the time to review. Well, you've got some free time (you must, if you're reading this fanfic) so please, just drop us a review telling us that you liked it, or hated it, or whatever!! REVIEW!! 


	10. Ugly Fat Lady Who Likes Pink

**Just so y'all know........we're getting really, really, REALLY super bored because no one's reviewing (besides TaTaH and bigsmileygirl-3). If u like it at all, PLEASE review!! Its so sad to see no reviews!**

**

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Emmy and Cocabella: (typing away hard at a story, the title of which says "Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince" by J.K. Rowling) Wow, when do you think we'll get this published? **

**Charletto: (appearing out of nowhere) Well, the _real_ J.K. Rowling said that copies will hit the shelves on April 16. GET THEM!!!  
****(an army of J.K.-Rowling-like minions start attacking Cocabella and Emmy)**

Ugly Fat Lady Who Liked Pink

Fluffy pink bows

And a big ugly nose

She had a wart on her nose

And Ginny thought she had the ugliest hose.

She was fat (she was not skinny)

And she was not very pretty.

She was an evil toad, an ugly hag

Minerva had had better lovers then she had.

This made crabby old toad very sad.

She was misguided as a child.

Her parents never loved her and let her run wild.

She hates children, to be sure

_Has she ever, ever, ever worn fur?_

Does she need the fur with all that lard?

If only she could rake leaves in her front yard.

Centaurs scared the bloody hell out of this big, fat baby!

So did she like horses, then?

Maybe.

She has a quill that irritates the fine complexion of young lad's hands

She was not the best rhymer in the land.

Cuz that's what we do.

Burn, Cho, burn.

(The centaurs, each arriving in the scheduled meeting place, started chatting. Mr. Big Important Business Man Centaur (we're sad to say he's not a Secret Agent Lover Man or Weetziebat) pulled out his brief case, put on his spectacles (though not askew!) and began the annual Mighty Centaurs of the Forest Who Kill Fat People that Harry Doesn't Like Book Club.(MCFWKFPHDLBC-they were wisdomful and knew how to pronounce this.) For the first time in his immortal life, his cultured people were mentioned in the book of the week. A tear dripping down his human cheek onto his horse hoof, hard and sleek, and a hoof trembling involuntarily were the only signals to show he cared. (make of this past sentence what you will) Inside, he was skipping with glee, like a pretty, little pony-with pink hair and a rainbow on his arse like My Little Pony. He would never let this be known. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. He swore on Cho's flames, chanting quietly "Burn, Cho, burn. Burn, Cho, burn." It eventually became a daily ritual for the MCFWKFPHDLBC.)

**Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. We're gonna say it until you do. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review.........................................**


	11. You're My Angel, Baby

**Charletto: Say it! SAAY IT!!!**

**Cocabella and Emmy: (hanging upside down over a vat of boiling oil) WE WILL _NEVER _GIVE IN! _WE _OWN HARRY POTTER!! **

**Charletto: (cuts the rope holding the other two up and they fall into the vat)**

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You're My Angel, Baby

This sacred object never leaves my hand

It saved me from imminent death

Unlike sand.

Gosh! It's my camera, man!

I never leave home without a plan.

I have blackmail of Harry for the times he turned me down

I'm not one to mess around.

My camera's name is Henry, or is it Stan?

No! No!

My gorgeous baby is a girl

(A hot girl, if you ask me.)

Much prettier than that Her-my-o-knee

Aren't you baby?

My schnookey-poo.

Oh how much I dearly love you.

You'll always be there by my side.

You are my joy, my hope, my pride.

Baby, I'll never let you slide.

I never took pictures of Cho because she is evil

Just like Scabbers, she is a weevil

What a cute pair they'd be.

They could start a family!

How could I forget your name, my dear.

Lucky for you I am not Snape. I do not sneer.

I do not like fried eggs and peas.

So give me toaster streudel please.

Burn, Cho. burn.

(Sadly, Colin's camera never took any good pictures. Every last one of them was out of focus. Darn Her-my-o-knee and her anti-blackmail charms. Fin.)

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**Please review! Good reviews! Constructive Criticsm! Flames! Come on....we're desperate here! We love you!**

**Oh, and by the way, thanks to our second reviewer, TaTaH, for her reviews. We love you!**

**Thank-you list:**

**bigsmileygirl-3**

**TaTaH**

**ourselves (now that's just embarassing...)**

Do _you _want to be mentioned on our thank-you list? Then review!


	12. The Whomping Willow: The Crazy Madman Tr...

**Charletto: (standing over two dead bodies, cackling madly)**

**Cocabella and Emmy: (dead)**

**Charletto: I HAVE KILLED THEM! THEY WILL NEVER EVER EVER CLAIM THE RIGHTS TO HARRY POTTER AGAIN!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! (and a side of spam) **

**(Charletto then bends at impossible angles to unzip her bodysuit, and out pops none other than J.K. Rowling herself, in all of her rich-author glory, and is suddenly joinedby Bobo the Hobo and they go and have tea.)**

**on a more serious note, the deaths of cocabella and emmy are symbolic...this is the last chappie of Burn, Cho, Burn. So review...and Cocabella and Emmy might just get their sorry arses off the couch and help write some more!**

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The Whomping Willow: The Crazy Madman Tree: A documentary 

I pack a mean punch

I eat little Hogwarts Students like you for lunch.

That little bluebird?

He was my friend

But I am far-sighted and he met a tragic end

The hippies sit under my branches and sing

"Tring-a-ling! Tring-a-ling!"

I beat up a car

He was my friend too

But then he left

Boo-hoo.

I have problems

So does my cousin  
Omigosh, I have a dozen.

The weeping willow, from Pocahontas

Her bark is worse then her bite

Unlike me

Heeheehee.

I have a knot on my side that crazy ex-convicts push

It hurts more than whacking a bush

Please hire me a chiropractor

But don't run me over with a tractor

Thank you.

Burn, Cho, Burn

(Years after the Golden Trio left Hogwarts, Filch felt no remorse in selling the Whomping Willow to us, and we called the lumberjacks. This is dedicated to our former firewood, who provided the fuel for Cho's burning. Without her (it was a her, you know) this wouldn't have been possible. We mourn her absence and rejoice over Cho's.)

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**Well....this was our last chapter and the last addition to Burn, Cho, Burn. SO! For all of you people out there that read this but didn't review...MAY YOU BURN IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL WITH CHO!!!**

**no, jk. but honestly, this is our last chappie, do us a favor and review. Please?**


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